I wish I only lived at night.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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