i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
