so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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