why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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