I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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