it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
