haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
