I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
