sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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