Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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