But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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