Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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