He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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