I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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