Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
