I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
