My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do vagina's smell?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
