I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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