I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
