Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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