I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Small penises have feelings too.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My bed smells like the plague
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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