how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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