can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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