She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize