You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
