xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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