She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
