so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
