either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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