My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
