Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
