We're facebook friends in real life
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
