he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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