dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
