Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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