do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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