oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
