It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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