i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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