Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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