oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
