Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
