Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
