We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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