He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize