It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
