I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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