craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
