I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
