all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
