I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
