I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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