Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
