watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
