fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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