You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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