JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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