Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
