Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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