but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
