Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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