I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
