The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize