all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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