operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
