my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
