You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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