trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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