tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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