i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
