My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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