hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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