Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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