So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
