i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
